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 Ask Dick & Jane
I’m going to my in-laws for Thanksgiving and I’m dreading it. What would be a good excuse to get out of it? If that’s not possible, how do you cope with people who think you’re not good enough to be in their family?
DICK: First, let’s review your family: Do you have children? How much does your wife care whether you go or not? Have you told your wife/husband your feelings? Do you have anything in common with any of your in-laws such as card games or sports? How long does your family stay? Let’s review: If you have kids, you need to suck it up and go. If your wife/husband knows the in-laws treat you like poop, ask him/her not to ignore you as well. This is common and usually causes more stress when he/she treats you just like the family.
Happens all the time. If you can’t find an ally to play cards or do something else with while you’re there, plan your day around the meals. When you’re not eating get out of there; workout, go shopping, visit a friend, etc. Do not punish yourself and watch the in-laws give all the attention to your spouse and kids. Bottom line: feed ’em catfish heads. Now that I’ve said that, suck it up, it’s just for a day or two, and only you can make it more pleasant.
JANE: There’s really no good way to escape family obligations gracefully, so I recommend you pitch in and help cook and/or clean up. If your offers are not accepted, then play with the children and keep them out from under foot. If that is not an option, then suggest a game of cards to get everyone in a playful spirit. If nothing works, once the meal is cleared away, and after allowing a reasonable amount of time to sit and visit, thank them for a lovely dinner, pass out the air kisses and leave.
I just got married and we are trying to decide what to do about our bank accounts. Do you think I should keep my own checking, savings and credit card accounts, or should we combine everything?
DICK: Great, a money question; I am an expert in this field. First of all you must decide how your incomes are split. Is it, eat what you kill? What’s mine is yours? Etc. There are numerous ways to do this and it is always the ultimate battle. Not enough space to answer that question today. My advice would be to keep your own accounts and prove to your spouse that you are financially responsible. This will also allow you to save money for something you want, or to purchase gifts for your spouse.
JANE: This is a decision on which you must both be in agreement. Some couples keep separate bank accounts and share the household expenses, and it works great. Hubby and I have a joint bank account and we share credit cards, but I retain one credit card in my name alone. That allows me to maintain my own credit rating and surprise him with presents. Discuss the pros and cons, then decide what works best for you as a couple.
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